My daughter was so sad this morning, crying because she missed Julian and felt surrounded by all of his memories. I felt so helpless. All I could do was to hug and kiss her. I didn’t know what else to do and I didn’t know what to say, as I feel the exact same way all the time! There isn’t anything that I could do to help her, to make her pain go away and as a mother the one thing that I want to do for my daughter (and for my son) is to take away all of their pain.

The last couple of days have been busy with Food Jules and we’ve had a lot of positive feedback on the business and the blog but unfortunately, the sadness remains. The longing for our baby Julian will continue. The wanting of our little baby to be back home with us will never end. Food Jules is great and we are so happy to be doing this, to be inspiring others, to be helping others with their pain…. I just wish we could take away everyone’s pain, take away our pain, bring back all of our loved ones. We miss them dearly. We think about them frequently. We wish we could turn back the clocks and see them again. We can’t understand why this has happened. We find it difficult to move forward each day. So, let’s take a moment, a quiet moment, to remember all of the loved ones that we’ve lost in our life, to remember our love for them, to remember their faces, their hearts, their love for us.

Tomorrow, we will move forward and continue to show each other love and compassion, to help others and smile again… but tonight, tonight I’m going to cry. I’m going to think about the last moment that I held him in my arms. As I drove past the funeral home tonight, I remembered that awful night when he was there. That was the day I handed him off to a complete stranger. That way the day I handed my motionless, quiet, little newborn baby whose heart was no longer beating, over to someone that I did not know, to someone that was planning the arrangements for his burial. That was the worst day of my entire life and I hope no one EVER has to do what I did. Tonight, I will remember you Julian, I will think about your beautiful, sweet little baby face, your soft skin, your beautiful, big eyes… just like Lilliana said this morning, “Julian had the biggest, most beautiful eyes”. She loves you soooo much. We all love you.

For months, I have been thinking about our neighbors. They are two elderly people, so sweet and kind and have been living here for many, many years. With our chaotic life, as most of us have, it is easy to “want to say hello” but to “never have time to actually do it”. Well, on many occasions, we have seen ambulances at their home. I have always wondered if they were doing ok – especially the woman, as she was having some health issues. So many times I wanted to go over there to check on them but with my own issues last year, never got around to doing it.

The other day, my neighbor ran our doorbell. It was very random and I was so happy to see him. To my horror, he told me that his wife had passed away several months ago, back in August. It made me so very sad and yet so very angry. I feel so much regret that I didn’t put myself aside and go over there, even just for a few minutes. She was so sweet. It saddened me so much to hear of his loss, to feel his pain that he lost his wife of 65 years, to feel his loneliness. I felt so close to him at that very moment.

I remember the last time that I saw her, that I spoke with her. It was last January in the local Quest lab. We were both waiting for our turn to draw blood. I was going through a difficult time then, it was during my miscarriage, before our pregnancy with Julian. Even though it was a difficult time, it was so nice to talk to her. She was so kind and always brought a smile to my face. Now, I feel so sad to think that she has been gone for so many months and I had no idea.

So, don’t be afraid. Don’t hesitate. Push the excuses and busy life aside and make time for your neighbors, for your friends, for your loved ones. We all need each others kindness and support. We all want to feel loved and appreciated. Don’t let time escape you. That one little act of kindness may make a big difference in someone’s life. It may make someone smile. It may give someone hope. It may save someone’s life. I don’t mean to sound so dramatic, but it’s true. Each of us can truly make an impact on someone’s else’s life. After all, it’s the small things that really do matter.