Five months

Well, today is Father’s Day. We had a lovely morning with homemade Croissant French Toast, Fresh Strawberries with Homemade Whipped  and drizzled with Homemade Hot Fudge Sauce. It was all very delicious and the kids were very helpful getting it all ready for their father. Lilliana is now an expert at making whipped cream and she did a beautiful job plating the food.

Unfortunately, it’s also the five month anniversary of Julian’s passing and I can’t help but have sadness inside of me, wishing he was here with us. He was such a beautiful, sweet little baby and every time I pass by his photos, I crave him. I just want to touch his soft hands and hold him in my arms. We are all thinking about him a lot and miss him dearly.

in my arms.. the last day I was able to look into his sweet eyes...

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One more week

Food Jules will be open for business one week from today, Friday 6/24 at the Monroe Farmers Market, specializing in Homemade Organic Jams, Hot Fudge Sauce, Granola and Baked Goodies.

Ahhh, I can’t believe it. The day is almost here and I am a nervous wreck. I am excited about this opportunity and looking forward to the summer, however, I have to admit, that if given the chance, I would much rather be home taking care of my Julian. In a heartbeat! I hope that the business and blog keeps his spirit alive and helps others who are going through a difficult time. I hope it inspires people to move forward, live life and love.

Be kind to thy neighbor

For months, I have been thinking about our neighbors. They are two elderly people, so sweet and kind and have been living here for many, many years. With our chaotic life, as most of us have, it is easy to “want to say hello” but to “never have time to actually do it”. Well, on many occasions, we have seen ambulances at their home. I have always wondered if they were doing ok – especially the woman, as she was having some health issues. So many times I wanted to go over there to check on them but with my own issues last year, never got around to doing it.

The other day, my neighbor ran our doorbell. It was very random and I was so happy to see him. To my horror, he told me that his wife had passed away several months ago, back in August. It made me so very sad and yet so very angry. I feel so much regret that I didn’t put myself aside and go over there, even just for a few minutes. She was so sweet. It saddened me so much to hear of his loss, to feel his pain that he lost his wife of 65 years, to feel his loneliness. I felt so close to him at that very moment.

I remember the last time that I saw her, that I spoke with her. It was last January in the local Quest lab. We were both waiting for our turn to draw blood. I was going through a difficult time then, it was during my miscarriage, before our pregnancy with Julian. Even though it was a difficult time, it was so nice to talk to her. She was so kind and always brought a smile to my face. Now, I feel so sad to think that she has been gone for so many months and I had no idea.

So, don’t be afraid. Don’t hesitate. Push the excuses and busy life aside and make time for your neighbors, for your friends, for your loved ones. We all need each others kindness and support. We all want to feel loved and appreciated. Don’t let time escape you. That one little act of kindness may make a big difference in someone’s life. It may make someone smile. It may give someone hope. It may save someone’s life. I don’t mean to sound so dramatic, but it’s true. Each of us can truly make an impact on someone’s else’s life. After all, it’s the small things that really do matter.

COFFEEEE!!!

Coffee is my new best friend. No really, seriously. If I’m feeling sad, it cheers me up. If I’m feeling angry, it makes me smile. If I’m feeling lonely, it gives me comfort. Coffee rocks! In the summer, it cools you off when you drink it iced or better yet as a Frappuccino. In the winter, it warms you up as you stand outside at the bus stop. I don’t know how I ever thought I could live without it.

When I worked at Calvin Klein, many years ago (feels like a lifetime ago), I used to drink LOTS and LOTS of coffee. Maybe it was working in NYC or maybe it was the personal coffee maker in the back room where you could make your own personalized, fresh cup of coffee any time of the day or maybe it was the very late nights. Whatever the reason, coffee was definitely my friend back then. Once I moved back here and started my family, I drank less of it. I had to. When I was pregnant, I couldn’t drink too much caffeine so I started drinking decaf. Then, the migraines came. So I kept up with the decaf, vowing never to go back to caffeine again as those migraines are horrible! But now, I’m back here again. Drinking many cups throughout the day and let me tell you, I don’t plan on stopping. If those migraines return, I’ll have to suffer through them because coffee is now a necessity in life!

As many of you know, my favorite is flavored coffee. However, it is difficult to find organic flavored coffee so I drink my husband’s regular organic coffee, without any flavor. That is until today. Yesterday, my sweet husband brought home this organic half and half, hazelnut flavor and it is great!  So, bring on the coffee!

Homemade Sweet Goodness

We all love granola in this house, especially homemade granola! Granola is so easy to make and it’s so versatile, you can add just about anything to it from walnuts and pecans to dried cranberries, chocolate chips or coconut, or all of it. You can add granola to yogurt, cereal, oatmeal or just eat it on its own (which is what I prefer). I add maple syrup, honey and a little brown sugar to sweeten it up. The pure maple syrup and the local honey, really gives the granola a delicious, sweet flavor.

Homemade Granola

Food Jules’ Homemade Organic Granola will also be available for sale at the Monroe Farmers Market starting next Friday, June 24th. Hope to see you there!

Too many tears tonight.

Tonight, the four of us, went to Yale for a Children’s Memorial Service to recognize all the infants and children who have passed away over the past two years. It was very sad to go back to Yale and very sad to be at this service, listening to all the music and speakers and hearing his name.

As the tears poured out from all of us, we just held each other close,remembering our sweet little baby Julian. It was so sad. As one of the speakers said, “we all wish we weren’t there”. I wish so much that I wasn’t there tonight and that life had turned out differently. It is just so painful. All I wanted to do today was crawl into a little hole and close my eyes and be with him again. This is just too much. It is all just too much. Not just the sadness but dealing with all the other stuff that happens and all the emotions that come with such a loss. The pain is just so deep. It is so close to heart. He was our son. Our little baby. He was one of us.

I wanted so much to just go up to the PICU and run into the room where we lived for three weeks and see him again. I wanted so much just to be with him again, rubbing his soft forehead, kissing his cheeks and holding his tiny little hand. That was the last place where he was alive, looking up at us with his beautiful, sweet eyes. I love you Julian.

My handsome little man

The sadness continues…

Well, my father is doing a little better. He’s still at the hospital in a lot of pain, but hopefully will be released within the next couple of days. I am confident that with some time, his pain and ribs will heal.

Unfortunately, the sadness continues this weekend. On Friday, we lost another family member to cancer. It is so sad and my heart goes out to my cousins who have to go through the pain of losing their father. They lost their mother a few years back, also to cancer, so this is very, very sad for all of us. It must be so difficult to lose both parents in such a short time and so young. All I can think about it is how perhaps the father is going back to be with his dear wife and share the news of their beautiful grandchildren, as she never got to meet any of them.

My heart aches for them and in memory of how I felt that day that our Julian left us. May they be comforted by our love in the weeks, months and years to come. We love you and hope your parents will take care of my Julian.