Stock up for “Hurricane Irene”

Well, it sounds like Connecticut will be hit with a big storm this weekend. We all hope it turns out to just be some rain, but if it isn’t, at least you’ll be prepared with tons of goodies.

Visit us today at the Monroe Farmers Market from 3-6pm to stock up on our all  organic, whole grain, delicious food. Food Jules will feature CHICKEN EMPANADAS and BEEF EMPANADAS for our appetizers and BANANA BLUEBERRY BREAD, DOUBLE CHOCOLATE MUFFINS and BLUEBERRY CRUMB MUFFINS for our baked goodies.

Homemade, Organic Empanadas

Double Chocolate and Blueberry Crumb

Pick up some of our deliciously sweet ORGANIC JAMS to eat with crackers, toast or with your peanut butter sandwiches OR our intense chocolate HOT FUDGE SAUCE to eat over your ice cream, before it all melts.

We also have GRANOLA as another pantry item that you can snack on during the storm. So, stock up today!

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Our Vacation

We just returned from vacation. We visited family, did some sightseeing and enjoyed each other and the beautiful weather and scenery in Portugal.

It was nice to get away from it all, see my aunts and uncles and cousins as well as visit with my only living grandmother. Even though my grandmother didn’t recognize me, because of her alzheimer’s, I have to say it was such a pleasure and so magical to look into her eyes again. There was something sincere and special in the way I was able to look into her beautiful, sweet eyes. While I visited with her, I couldn’t help but think about how she would one day see my Julian, sooner then me, perhaps and how I wanted to travel with her there, in spirit.

It was a lovely trip. The weather in Portugal is absolutely wonderful! It was nice to spend some quality time with my parents too, who traveled with us. The kids enjoyed having them around and missed them terribly when we left them to return home. My aunt and uncle, who are so very close to me, were so excited to see the kids.

Personally, I would have preferred a little more quiet time, but the kids and Michael enjoyed doing all the sightseeing and visiting with everyone. I have to admit that it was nice to get away from everyone and everything here for a little while. I enjoyed being “taken care of” by my aunt and not having to cook, clean etc. It was a nice break from my daily responsibilities. Although, I have to admit that I did miss baking muffins and made pancakes the first morning we returned home.

Needless to say, that I will be back at the Monroe Farmers Market on Friday and will be featuring the popular Chicken Empanadas, Spicy Beef Empanadas, Banana Blueberry Bread, Morning Glory Muffins and Blueberry Crumb Muffins. See you soon.

There are no words

There are no words to express my sadness and loneliness. Everything is different now. People are different. Relationships are different. Life is different. I’ve been looking at Julian’s beautiful pictures and remembering what it felt like to hold him and touch his soft hands. He was my baby, my son. He is part of me.

I look back at photos of when I was pregnant and I can look into my eyes and I see myself there staring back at me and I wish so much that I could come back. I wish that I was the same person as I was at this time last year. He was inside of me, growing and we were all anticipating the moment of his arrival. We would think about holding him, about changing his diaper, about where to put all of his clothes, about where he would sleep, about cuddling and playing with him. Lucas would tell us all about what he was going to teach him, how he was going to teach him how to play with trains. Lilliana said she was going to read to him and make him laugh. We all had plans to be with him and enjoy his cuteness. We didn’t get much of a chance to do that so it’s tough when we think about it.

My three beautiful children, as they should be, "in love with each other"

It’s so much easier to be on the “outside” and say all the things that I am so tired of hearing… “you have two other beautiful children”, “he is your angel”, “you have to move forward”… I know people are just trying to help but really, this does not help. It just makes me angry and more sad. Don’t you think I know all of these things? I wake up every single day and I do fun things with my kids. We go on vacation together. We play together. We hug and kiss each other. Of course I know that I have two other children and a husband. They are right here with me. Of course I appreciate that they are here. Of course I love them and am trying my best to continue with life. I created an entire business, I took my kids on fun trips, I visit with family and friends. I am doing a great job. I am trying my very best and I think I deserve so much more credit.

What I wish so much for people to say and haven’t heard are “He was so precious and so beautiful. I can understand why you miss him so much. He was your third baby. You always wanted lots of children. It must be so difficult to be without him. It must be so hard to wake up every day and see that is not there anymore. It must be so hard being strong, yet real for your kids, your husband and all of your family. You must want to cry so much and feel so trapped and not able to. When you shed a tear and are sad you must want to just get a hug and compassion instead of looks of dissapointment. I’m sure you just want to cry sometimes and for people to say, “It’s ok to cry” “Go ahead, talk about him, cry for him”.

Just because I am sad sometimes, just because I talk about the sadness and the longing for him sometimes doesn’t mean I am taking my family for granted. I miss him because he was my baby, my child. I am allowed to feel sadness for him too. I am allowed to think about him. I am allowed to want to hold him.

So, here it is. Here is my sadness on paper. Here are my tears. It’s ok to feel this way. I just need your compassion and love and I need true friends. Friends that really care about me and about my family. Friends who can be understanding and not selfish and inconsiderate. Friends who show me that no matter what happens in life, they will always be here for me, as I am here for all of you.

Me and my baby, always in my arms

I’m thinking about you Julian. I love you Julian. I think you are beautiful. I think you are sweet. I think you are the most special baby in this entire world. I’m so glad that I was able to hold you. I’m so glad that I was able to see you every moment of every day while you were here. Thank you for being my son. You are truly magical and yes, my little angel. You will always, always be in my heart and in my arms.

Pasteis de Nata

To all of the kids (and their parents) who are trying to make the Pasteis de Nata from our class on Monday, I forgot to list the amount of heavy cream on the recipe. My apologies. You will need 1 cup of organic heavy cream. Also, the amount of sugar should be 1/2 cup of sugar.

I was very sick on Sunday evening when I was doing these recipe cards so I apologize for the typing errors.

Here is the official recipe.

Breastmilk

Every time I open the freezer, I see it there and every time I see it, it reminds me of my beautiful baby, Julian. It reminds me of how much my heart aches for him and how much my children’s and husband’s hearts ache for him, every day.

Even though that freezer is always filled up to its rim, I will never throw away that milk. I will ALWAYS have space for my Julian, always. It’s one of my connections to him. So even though it’s so very sad to see it there and not being used by him, it’s a part of him that is still here, in it’s own little way.

 

A trip to Portugal and Italy

Today was our last cooking class at the library as part of the Summer Reading Program. We learned all about my favorite two countries, Portugal and Italy.

The kids cooked some amazing and delicious food! We made Lasagna Rollatini, Garlic Bread and Pasteis de Nata. The lasagna rolls were perfect, filled with lots of cheese and organic spinach, topped with sauce and more cheese! You could see the pieces of garlic in the garlic butter on the fresh Ciabatta Bread. DELISH! Then, for dessert we had the famous Pasteis de Nata (custard cups) with a sprinkle of cinnamon. The kids thoroughly enjoyed this entire meal and I was so happy to teach them how to cook it and put it all together. Now that they all have their recipe cards, let’s see if they will cook it for their parents.

I have to apologize that I don’t post any pictures of the food. We are so busy cooking and eating, that I always seem to forget to take photos. Maybe next time I will remember. The food is so good to look at!

I have some good news…. the library has signed me up for five more classes this year so sign up today for the next Kids Cooking Class with Food Jules on the Edith Wheeler Memorial Library website. We have lots of surprises in store for you.