This is real.

It’s been eight weeks since our baby Julian left us. Eight very sad weeks. The winter has passed and spring has begun. The snow has melted, the snow that first started when Julian was born, is now all gone. As we look outside on our deck, it is clear and it reminds me of all the days when he was here and it was filled with snow.

Julian’s granite permanent marker is in its place at the cemetary. It sounds so strange to hear that it’s permanent. Up until now, I had some hope that one day I would wake up and this would all be a terrible, terrible nightmare. Even though it is a nightmare, it’s one that remains even when I wake in the morning. It’s one that I have to continue to endure everyday. This is real.

Our two other children really keep things going around here, they are more helpful to us then you can imagine, helping us smile everyday, lifting our spirits with their genuine, unconditional love. They are precious and a blessing to us, as are our dear friends and family.

So much has happened during these eight weeks. Many friends have had new babies, infants have grown into bigger babies, and some friends are expecting new babies. Life moves on and you have to grab a hold of it and embrace life as best as you can. Enjoy your family and your friends, enjoy your significant other, enjoy your parents, enjoy your children, enjoy all that is special to you and enjoy your time here on earth with everyone that you love. Your family and friends are here with you, they love you and need you and you need them too. Don’t be afraid to love, it’s what keeps us centered and truly, truly happy.

Julian loved his co-sleeper but not as much as he loved sleeping with his mommy and daddy

We will always remember him and always, always love him with all of our hearts. Please, take a minute, and help me send all of our love to our beautiful, sweet, baby Julian.

2 thoughts on “This is real.

  1. Hi Liz,

    I loved what you said in your blog. You are so right about enjoying the people that are around you. Life is way to short not to. Your lil baby will always be with you I love that the snow reminds you of him; it is such a peaceful memory.

    I sort of understand what you are going through but I did not get to meet my baby who passed. Chey was a twin and the other one did not survive. I know that feeling of always thinking of that child that is not there with you to celebrate the beautiful moments or not being able to see new things through their eyes. Always know that he is with you and your family and he knew that you all loved him so much and still do.

    Love ya Liz

    Keep up the blog it is great šŸ™‚

  2. Liz
    Your blogging is such a beautiful way to remember Julian. It is very moving and your observations will help you heal, I believe in time. There is very little time and space, I find, for grief and mourning in our culture. Marking changes, whether of seasons, or life’s changes is so important.

    I’m glad you are doing this work. Keep it up. You’re not alone. Loss leaves big, messy holes all over. You’ve just helped me to see some that are coming to me in my dreams.

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