Today marks three months since our baby Julian left us. Here is his final resting place… a place that is so cold and lonely… a place that is surrounded with lots of other little babies and adults that have left their families behind. Driving around this place just creates uncontrollable tears and sadness.
Every day I wish he was in my arms again, so that I could cuddle him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him. I long for those days with him again, those days when I looked into his beautiful eyes and touched his soft skin. Just look at him. He’s such a beautiful, sweet little baby. Here he is in my arms during his first days after he was born. This was his favorite place. Cuddled up against my chest. A perfect place to hold him tightly against me. A perfect place to kiss his little soft forehead. It’s exactly what I wish I was doing right now.
His sister misses him. His brother misses him. His father misses him. I miss him. He was with us for so long, inside of me, listening to his brother and sister talking to him and anticipating his arrival. I protected him and now I can’t do that anymore. I feel so sad that he’s there and not here with all of us. Our family feels his empty space. We feel it at bed time. We feel it at the dinner table. We feel it when we’re all tickling each other and playing together. We will always feel that little emptiness. We will always miss our little baby Julian. We love you Julian. We are thinking about you all the time and wish more then ANYTHING in the world, that you were here with us, healthy and smiling.