Three months…

Today marks three months since our baby Julian left us. Here is his final resting place… a place that is so cold and lonely… a place that is surrounded with lots of other little babies and adults that have left their families behind. Driving around this place just creates uncontrollable tears and sadness.


Every day I wish he was in my arms again, so that I could cuddle him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him. I long for those days with him again, those days when I looked into his beautiful eyes and touched his soft skin. Just look at him. He’s such a beautiful, sweet little baby. Here he is in my arms during his first days after he was born. This was his favorite place. Cuddled up against my chest. A perfect place to hold him tightly against me. A perfect place to kiss his little soft forehead. It’s exactly what I wish I was doing right now.

Julian's first days after his birth

His sister misses him. His brother misses him. His father misses him. I miss him. He was with us for so long, inside of me, listening to his brother and sister talking to him and anticipating his arrival. I protected him and now I can’t do that anymore. I feel so sad that he’s there and not here with all of us. Our family feels his empty space. We feel it at bed time. We feel it at the dinner table. We feel it when we’re all tickling each other and playing together. We will always feel that little emptiness. We will always miss our little baby Julian. We love you Julian. We are thinking about you all the time and wish more then ANYTHING in the world, that you were here with us, healthy and smiling.

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4 thoughts on “Three months…

  1. I remember those first few days of his life that we had hope he would get better, that he would be with us next Christmas, learning to walk with Jake. Everytime I look in Jake’s eyes I wish you could be doing the same with Julian. We didn’t have enough time with him. But I do believe he is watching over us and I know he wouldn’t want us to be sad. He would want us to love each other and appreciate every moment.

  2. Liz you are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart breaks each time I read about your heartache and pain over losing your sweet little baby boy. Keep your head up and feel comfort knowing that he is watching you from heaven.

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