An unspeakable loss

I am so sick to my stomach over what has happened in our neighboring town. I think about these parents, these mothers, who have endured so much pain, so much heartbreak and anger over the loss of their innocent, little children. It is an unspeakable loss. It is a loss that will live in their hearts and souls for eternity. Being a mom who had to bury her my own newborn son, just a little under two years ago, my life and the life of my husband and children is forever altered. We live with this grief every day and so will these parents.

These parents will always carry around this anger and sadness. They will have questions, they will have up and down emotions, they will never be the same and it hurts me so much to think of all of them having to endure all of this pain. It is just so painful. Honestly, I feel like contacting all of them and just hugging them so closely because there are just no words. Nothing will make them feel better, nothing will bring back their children, nothing will cure this unspeakable loss.

Julian died almost two years ago. I have endured many days filled with sobbing pain, uncontrollable tears, anger, frustration, unanswered questions. There are just so many feelings that come with all of this. All of these emotions need to be validated because they are real. This loss is real. The only thing we can do for these parents, these families, is support them with constant love.

This morning on the radio, one therapist said, “Call. If they don’t answer, leave a message. But, don’t stop calling. They may not be able to talk right now, but its important to let them know, you are there for them.” This is so true. There are days when I don’t want to talk to anyone but it is so comforting to get the texts, emails and calls and to feel that people are thinking of us and that they love us. Some days, I do pick up that phone and call, text or email back and I couldn’t move forward without the love and listening ears of some very close friends.

This horrible pain will live in their hearts, minds and souls forever and they may always feels lost. If you know of someone that has lost a son or daughter, please reach out to them. Let them know that you are there. Send them flowers, a card, books, food, or just a text saying “I am thinking of you”.
I plan to start up a support group for these moms who have lost, just to be there to listen, to offer them unconditional love and hugs. I want to offer them my support for years to come. We all are human and we all need a kind word, a hug or kiss or someone to just be there, always and without any judgement. In the aftermath of this horrible tragedy, when everyone else begins to head back to school and work, these parents and moms will still be living with this terrible, horrible loss in their lives and they will need other moms to hold them and listen to them.
Please, if you have any thoughts on how we can make this support group happen, please let me know.
With Love, to all those families and friends that have lost from this tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT. My family will always carry you in our hearts.

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