The Sunshine

A few days ago, I celebrated my 37th birthday in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. It was a beautiful, sunny day and I was blessed to be enjoying this gorgeous day with Michael, Lilliana and Lucas. It was so special to be surrounded by their excited smiles for our little weekend retreat.

The entire weekend, we included Julian in our vacation, talking about little things that reminded us of him, especially the trees with the white leaves. Lucas refers to those as “snow trees” and calls Julian, the “snow boy”, because he was born on the first snow fall in the Fall 2010 and throughout his short 9 weeks with us, it snowed pretty much every weekend!

white trees

It had been a little over six years ago when we last visited Portsmouth. As a matter of fact, I was pregnant with Lucas the last time we were there so it was nice to re-visit a place that had fond memories. We also had the chance to visit the Nubble Lighthouse in York, Maine. Michael and I reminisced about how it has been over 10 years since we were there and I was pregnant with Lilliana on that trip. The kids really enjoyed hearing these stories and we couldn’t believe just how much has happened in these last ten years! Our entire life has happened, good and bad, from marriage to giving birth to three children, losing one to a miscarriage and losing another to SMA. It feels that in only ten years, we have lived an entire lifetime.


Julian’s passing has really broken our hearts and we miss him tremendously. We talk about him all the time, which is so refreshing, to be open about it with our children and to get a much needed hug or kiss from them when they see the sadness in our eyes and in our hearts. They are truly such wonderful souls and their love shines on us every day.

Baby Julian 202

Well, I wanted to share a special photo with all of you. Lilliana and I were trying to take a photo of the two of us by the water but as you can see, we didn’t capture any of the water. However, you’ll see we did capture something much more unique and special, Julian’s presence. Julian’s love is shining down on us here in the beautiful sunlight. It’s quite magical, actually, and it reminds me to appreciate all those little moments together with your loved ones, as they are more then little, they are unique and special and hold a lot more then you can ever imagine.

lily me julian

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