In memory of Tio Antonio

On Friday, August 23rd, my Uncle in Portugal (aka. Tio Antonio) died. The world lost a compassionate, kind and loving man.

Tio Antonio and Tia Ermelinda

Tio was just diagnosed with cancer about a month ago and sent immediately to the hospital for surgery, but unfortunately, the cancer had already taken over his entire body. It was such devastating news. My entire family was overwhelmed with such sadness. Luckily, my parents were in Portugal when he was in the hospital and got to visit with him every day during his last weeks here on earth.

Tio Antonio and Tia Ermelinda (pictured above) are amazing people and anyone who gets to be loved by them, is so very lucky. I have known them all of my life, even though I live here in the US, my parents and I visited every couple years thorough out my entire childhood. We were also fortunate enough to welcome them both here in 2003, just a few short weeks after Lilliana was born. That was their first visit to the United States and their first and only airplane ride. We were so blessed and so happy to have them here.

with lilliana

A couple years ago, a few months after Julian died, we decided to go to Portugal. I wanted to visit with them and with the rest of my family that still resides in Portugal. It was such an amazing and special trip and I am so glad that we were lucky enough to do that. It was the first time that they met Lucas, although they got plenty of photos, letters and phone calls.

Lilliana and Lucas absolutely loved being there and my aunt and uncle were so very happy to have us there. I remember one evening at their home, I was reading a bed time story to both of them and my uncle stopped at the bedroom door, and was just watching us and smiling. I will never forget that cherished moment. I am a very lucky woman to have such a beautiful, sweet, compassionate family.

So, as you can imagine, this sorrow has just compounded my already existing grief over losing my sweet Julian in 2011, my loving Godfather in 2012 and now my uncle in 2013. Both my Godfather and Uncle were not just part of my family, but they were like father figures to me and they accepted and loved me since I was born and it is extremely sad that they are not here on earth anymore.

Hopefully, if there is really a heaven, my Julian is there with both of these amazing men and for that, I am thankful. It makes me feel good that they are there to take care of him and that all three of them, along with my Grandparents and my other family members (my aunt, other two uncles and my two cousins) are all forming their little family there and that one day, we will all be together again. It’s a little sad that we have so much family on the other side, but I guess that is part of life. It’s just hard to handle at such a fragile time, one year after another.

This post is in memory of Tio Antonio, as we are sending him and my family all of our love and tears, as we remember all of our days with him.

Back to school blues

Well, the time is almost here, the end of summer fun with my children. In another week, they will return to school.

back to school

It’s a big year for my little ones. Lilliana will be starting 5th grade, her last year at elementary school (loads of tears here) and Lucas will be in school full time, starting 1st grade!!! For the first time in 10 years, I will be alone. Not only is it sad because I will miss them so much but it also reminds me that Julian was supposed to be here with me, smiling at me and keeping me from tearing down as my kids get on that bus. Now, no one will be here to do that and it will be an extremely rough patch for me. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be super depressing.

I know, I should be excited for them, their life is growing and they will be going on new adventures in their lives. Of course, I will be happy for them, but I know that deep down in my soul and heart, it’s not going to be all a sea of roses. It’s going to be hard. It already is really hard.

It’s been quite a summer, filled with good times and bad times. I wish I could say it’s been an amazing summer but it hasn’t, our family has experienced more sorrow this summer, but I guess I should try to focus on the good days. The days we were able to enjoy the sun at the beach or pool, go to a matinee movie, visit with friends, go on a little vacation, helping Lucas catch his first fish etc. This is all part of life, there is happiness and sadness. Sometimes, I just wish there were more of the happy days and much, much less of the sad days, but unfortunately, that isn’t how it works in this life.

end of summer

When I was younger, I remember some of my biggest problems were passing my exams or trivial issues with friends, but now as an adult, the problems in life are so much bigger.

Well, I guess I must button it up soon and try to enjoy these last few days of summer at home with my kids, because I love them so much and love the time I have with them so much. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me (aside from marrying my hubby). Hope you all enjoy these last few sunny days that are coming our way.