Life Changing

“They” say that losing someone to death is life changing, that it isn’t something that happens to you but rather something that shapes the person that you are or will become. BUT, what about if you loved the person you were before the death, then what? What if you don’t want to change, what if you were happy then and loved yourself then and now every day all you feel is anger towards everyone and everything, including yourself. What then?

Even a bigger question. If God is good then why would he allow such things to happen and destroy a person, a family, a beautiful, happy life? Why would he want to see unhappiness and hatred instead of love, hope and faith?

I will never understand why this has happened or what it all means nor do I have the energy to figure it all out. It takes so much just to live each day, to survive the constant disappointment, sadness, confusion, anger, frustration. I go to bed each night hoping that the next day will be better but as soon as I open my eyes, I realize it isn’t going to get any better, it’s just another day and I just have to do my best to survive the day.