“They” say that losing someone to death is life changing, that it isn’t something that happens to you but rather something that shapes the person that you are or will become. BUT, what about if you loved the person you were before the death, then what? What if you don’t want to change, what if you were happy then and loved yourself then and now every day all you feel is anger towards everyone and everything, including yourself. What then?
Even a bigger question. If God is good then why would he allow such things to happen and destroy a person, a family, a beautiful, happy life? Why would he want to see unhappiness and hatred instead of love, hope and faith?
I will never understand why this has happened or what it all means nor do I have the energy to figure it all out. It takes so much just to live each day, to survive the constant disappointment, sadness, confusion, anger, frustration. I go to bed each night hoping that the next day will be better but as soon as I open my eyes, I realize it isn’t going to get any better, it’s just another day and I just have to do my best to survive the day.
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God has a plan for you and your family. Just stick with him an you’ll be okay.
Liz,
God loves you and wants to help you while you are going through this sorrow. I often rack my brain trying to “figure it out”. But I don’t think we are meant to understand it right now, just to believe that there is a reason that we will one day understand. You are worn down right now, emotionally and physically. Now is the time to let others be your strength. God put us in your life to help you, as He put you in our lives to help us. Get some rest, and lean on those who love you.
Lisa