I know, it may sound strange, but I have a particularly fine sense of smell…. not only when I’m pregnant, but all the time.
Right now, I am smelling the scent of the Tide soap on my shirt. I will be enjoying this scent all day long because it reminds me of Julian. This soap was given to me by the nurses, while I was at Yale New Haven Children’s Hospital with Julian. I used it to wash his little baby onesies and socks and my own laundry, there at the hospital. This scent brings me back to those days with him. I miss those days and I wish I was still there with him. They were not the best days because of his illness and all that was going on around us, but they were great days because he was here with me and I could still lay next to him and kiss him and hold his little hands. I just can’t stop smelling my shirt. Why did he have to go? What does all this mean? Why is this all happening? I am floating around without any real meaning in my life, without anything to look forward to, without my little baby who was inside my belly for nine months. The one that I waited for my entire life!
I wish that you all got to meet him. He was such a sweet, adorable little baby. I was so lucky to have him. I just wish I was luckier enough to keep him.Missing him more each day!