I just can’t believe it…. I thought our days at the hospital were over but we were there yet again today, in the Emergency Room. This time it is my father. He fell off the ladder this afternoon and ended up in the ER with three cracked ribs and a collapsed lung. They are still running more tests to be sure that’s all that happened to him. It was so very difficult walking into that hospital and into that ER. The first thing I noticed were the stretchers out front. My heart started racing. When the chest x-ray man came into the room, I had images of all those chest x-rays they gave my poor Julian. They always came into our room during the middle of the night and early in the morning to give him x-rays. It was awful to watch them move his tiny, helpless body around and the tears coming down his cheeks. I was so tired of all those x-rays.
Today was difficult. It was supposed to be a happy day but ended up being a sad day. My father will be alright. It will take many weeks to heal, but his pain will heal. Mine has not healed nor will it ever heal.
Going into that hospital brought back so many bad memories. Watching my father in so much pain brought back even more memories. My father could verbalize “ouch” but my Julian couldn’t verbalize it… he just shed tears and had that look on his face, “Mommy, this hurts. Please help me”….
When is this going to stop? I am so tired of this. Why is this happening? I wish God would just leave me alone! I just want to be left alone and get some peace… just some peace. Every time I try to move forward, I always get pushed right back. It just doesn’t seem right. None of this seems right!