Category: Life, Health & Wellness

Borrowed Angels by Kristin Chenoweth

They shine a little brighter, they feel a little more
They touch your life in ways no one has ever done before
They love a little stronger, they live to give their best
They make our lives so blessed, so why do they go so soon?
The ones with souls so beautiful
I heard someone say–

There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along, into this world, and make this world bright
But they can’t stay forever
Cause they’re heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again

They reach a little deeper, they see what’s in your soul
And even when they leave you know, you’ll never let them go
The world’s a little richer, just cause they came along
Their love goes on and on, so why do they go so soon?
The ones with souls so beautiful. I heard someone say–

There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along, into this world, and make this world bright
They can’t stay forever, cause they’re heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again

How else can you explain why they’re here and not here to stay?
I believe there must be, must be

Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along, into this world, and make this world bright
But they can’t stay forever, cause there heaven sent
And sometimes heaven needs them back again.
And sometimes heaven needs them back again.

It’s been eight weeks since our baby Julian left us. Eight very sad weeks. The winter has passed and spring has begun. The snow has melted, the snow that first started when Julian was born, is now all gone. As we look outside on our deck, it is clear and it reminds me of all the days when he was here and it was filled with snow.

Julian’s granite permanent marker is in its place at the cemetary. It sounds so strange to hear that it’s permanent. Up until now, I had some hope that one day I would wake up and this would all be a terrible, terrible nightmare. Even though it is a nightmare, it’s one that remains even when I wake in the morning. It’s one that I have to continue to endure everyday. This is real.

Our two other children really keep things going around here, they are more helpful to us then you can imagine, helping us smile everyday, lifting our spirits with their genuine, unconditional love. They are precious and a blessing to us, as are our dear friends and family.

So much has happened during these eight weeks. Many friends have had new babies, infants have grown into bigger babies, and some friends are expecting new babies. Life moves on and you have to grab a hold of it and embrace life as best as you can. Enjoy your family and your friends, enjoy your significant other, enjoy your parents, enjoy your children, enjoy all that is special to you and enjoy your time here on earth with everyone that you love. Your family and friends are here with you, they love you and need you and you need them too. Don’t be afraid to love, it’s what keeps us centered and truly, truly happy.

We will always remember him and always, always love him with all of our hearts. Please, take a minute, and help me send all of our love to our beautiful, sweet, baby Julian.

Today is such a beautiful, sunny, spring day. Lucas and I went for a walk outside and I wished so much that Julian was with us. He would have LOVED this beautiful weather. It’s so sad that he didn’t get to experience any of this beauty. Thinking about him a lot today and always.

 

Life is beautiful and so much fun and I love it, but lately it’s so very difficult and so very sad. I can’t seem to find that happy place right now. I’m not sure where it went. Life was so full just a few months ago, so beautiful, so magical and soooo very happy and now everything is the complete opposite! So, what does one do when such devastation comes into our life? How do we move on? How can I accept what’s happened to us when all I want is to have him back? I feel so alone and empty without him. I feel like a part of me is gone forever and I want it back. I can’t function without it. It just hurts too much.

What now?

Do you know? I don’t know if I’ll ever know until it’s my time. It helps to think there is a heaven and all our angels are watching over us. It helps to think that a loved one’s spirit is still with us even if he’s passed. I’m not so sure if it helps me, mainly because I don’t know if I believe it. At least, not yet.

But, as Father Bill said at Julian’s funeral, “If you spend all your time wondering why, then you won’t use your time living”. The other night on Desperate Housewives (yes, I’m quoting from one of my favorite shows), the reverend said to Brie, “Don’t spend your time thinking about what you’ve lost but instead spend your time helping others. Isn’t that a better way of living?” Pretty ironic but it made sense to me and that’s what I’m trying to do. Trying to help others in my own way.

So, keep living and keep loving and always try to help others, for that is all that really matters in life, isn’t it?